The title of this post may seem a little off, at first, but if you give me a second to take care of a few administrative tidbits I promise it will make sense. Peerless and I had to take a trip to Chicago this past week, so he could have an extremely in depth (think 2 days of poking, prodding, x-rays, mri's, and what he fondly refers to as "electrocution) examination of his 32 year old body which functions at times like one 20 years its senior. While I HATED to see him subjected to all of that, I can't lie and say I wasn't happy. Not happy he was going through it, but happy that this really signaled yet another step in the direction of football being over. I love the fact that my husband was blessed to live out his dream playing a game that he absolutely loves and is fantastic at. I love the fact that other little boys who grew up in the inner city can look at P and see that YOU CAN MAKE IT without robbing someone, selling drugs, or buying into it when people tell you're not good enough! I love the fact that I've made and continue to maintain friendships with some PHENOMENAL women through our travels with different team. I love all of that. I also love that my husband can walk from room to room without the assistance of a cane, wheelchair, walker, or me. I love that the two year old can use him as a human jungle gym, and the eight year old has a steady sparring partner. I love all of these, and I love knowing that I don't have to worry about him stepping onto a field and all of that coming to an end. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, back to the matter at hand. My butt. My family symbol is "the Jackson butt." For a brief period in high school, I really knew mine was well on its way. I could fill out a pair of jeans in the derriere, and feel oh so nice about doing it. Most of the women in my family have watched over the years as their Jackson butts have spread beyond recognition. My great aunt, Lauron, has such a donk that I SWEAR she could stroll in Magic City and put all the other (ahem) "dancers" to shame. She's 70! It's just what has been in my family...the women have all--at some point--had a big ol' butt.
With that backdrop, understand my dilemma. I have been feverishly squatting, lunging, and stepping up for the past 3 years in an effort to GET the Jackson butt that is my BIRTH RITE! I don't understand why I can't seem to get this butt. Also, understand that I want it. I have cousins who make jokes that they'd gladly give me an ounce of theirs. UMMMM...I WANT IT. It depresses me to look at tv, because all the women have butts. For example, this da** Kim Kardashian. Why is her butt like that???? Where did it come from? And where can I buy it??? Jessica Biel??? When did that happen???? All I want is to walk out of the room, sashaying my butt, and KNOWING my husband was watching me walk away thinking dirty thoughts all the while. Sir Mix-a-lot is my ENEMY, because I KNOW Baby does NOT have back, but she wants it........*sigh*
2 comments:
Girl, when I told you I would gladly give you some of mine I really meant it!! :-)
Remember, most of HollyWEIRD is just an illusion - I should know. I spend half of my day manipulating pictures to create the facade of flawless skin, slimmer figures, and yes BIG 'OLE BUTTS! All the poking and prodding Peerless is experiencing is a taste of all of the pulling, pushing, stuffing, tightening, waxing, and screaming that I have seen first-hand to get ready for that “perfect shot”. There are so many “regular women” out there that would put these models to SHAME!!!
Sometimes, I think Photoshop is more of a curse than a blessing (but that’s another story).
With the blessing of this "B-O-B", comes the curse of other attributes that I definitely do not consider "ass-ets"; There are plenty of jeans that I could wear if only I could get them over this big ‘ole butt and hips!!! In the case of Nonnie, well, she is an exception! I hope to look that good when I’m 40 let alone 70!!
BTW, if it will make you feel better both Beyonce and Jessica Biel wear booty pads…and even though Kim Kardashian has the perfect body (which nonetheless, I am working to get myself!!), she will forever be known as Ray J’s no talent “sloppy seconds” – her back yard IS her money maker so that is all you ever see… *shrugs*
You have the cutest figure, and I would love to have your abs! Don't worry about the booty! Be glad its not too big :)
Post a Comment